Tag: marriage

Books Can Change Lives

It took me years to find the books that changed my life in ways, nothing else has. I was a young mother with a 3 months old baby (said baby is today 44 years old) and had to seek refuge from a howling snowstorm with an older friend of the family. I still remember the scarcely furnished guest room. Over the bed, a little bookshelf was the only adornment in the room. I grabbed a book and read Breakfast at Six by Mary Scott. In German mind you, Mary Scott was famous in Germany! Go figure.

Our friend had a few more of her books and was friendly enough to let me borrow them. I loved the humorous stories of the life on a farm in the New Zealand backwaters. And forgot about it.  Continue reading “Books Can Change Lives”

5 Great Reasons For Being Curious

Photo by Fazen
Photo by Fazen

They say “curiosity killed the cat” implying that it wouldn’t be good for you to be curious. Well now, there is a thought in urgent need of updating! If you think about it, throughout the history of mankind, curiosity always led to an advancement of some sort. Without curiosity we might still be living in trees. Who knows?

In a very simplified, black and white way we can divide people into two categories: On one end of the continuum are the close-minded who hold on to their beliefs and opinions, think usually that they are right, they like routine, and resist new ideas and the ‘unknown’. On the other end are the curious, those open to new experiences, the inquisitive, those who are excited by novelty and are bubbling with new ideas.

It’s not hard to see that I am biased towards the curious, isn’t it? So what are the advantages of being curious?

1. In jobs that require innovative approaches, out of the square thinking, a person with a high level of curiosity is just the right person to bring new ideas to the table.

2. Curios people also seem to look into matter deeper than others. They like learning, finding things out, or taking things apart to see how they work. Their passion in learning drives them to get to the bottom of things until their understanding is of exceptional depth.

3. Because curious people have the tendency to dig deeper into issues, they are good at solving puzzles and problem solving. Although getting easily bored with routine, they will stick with a problem until they have satisfied their thirst for discovery.

4. Another advantage of  curious people is the ease with which they deal with uncertainty. They don’t have things to be clear-cut and sorted. They can easily tolerate ambiguity and have little problems seeing things from a different perspective. In fact, they might even know clearly that there always is another perspective. They could have coined the phrase “This is one way of looking at it!” 

5. Most importantly, however, is curiosity in relationships. Yes, I now, it’s a particular bias and interest of mine. But bear with me here. Often couples, groups, or even nations have very distinct ideas and beliefs that may not be shared by ‘the other’ partner, groups, or nations. The close-minded, rigid, righteous might ‘dig’ in and start enforcing their opinion, trying to convince the other that they are wrong, might even judge them for their ‘errant’ way.

For a successful relationship however it is much more helpful to stay curious. Rather than judging and insisting on one’s own point of view, the curious stance is inquiring how the other person came to his/her point of view, what made them think the way they do, what is so important for them about their stance. With an attitude of curiosity we avoid the rigid demarcation line of ‘war fare’, be that in an intimate relationship or among larger groups. We learn about each other and open up the possibility of a more understanding, compassionate relationship and tolerance.

If you are interested to read more about how to have relationships built on the above values, you will find ample ideas and inspirations in my new book “Delicious Love Forever: Recipes for Lasting, Loving Relationships” available on Amazon.com.

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Photo by Fazen

Resonance sets the tone in your relationships

origin_6985104241The interesting part of a virtual book tour is that the reader is presented with a wide range of topics and ideas, sometimes viewed from a different angle than they are used to from. To learn something new we need to be able to view a situation from all sorts of different angles. Today I have the pleasure to introduce my colleague and author Linda Easthouse. Linda has an interesting background as Natural Health Therapist and her post about relationships is based on her rich background in a variety of holistic disciplines.

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Relationships can be stressful. Whether the relationship is with your spouse, partner or children where intensity can spiral rapidly, or whether it is at work with colleagues, the boss, and clients, where stress keeps you tied in knots for hours at a time, relationships wear on us. Our relationships can be a wonderful reservoir of encouragement and strength when they are healthy but in our modern world it seems that many relationships turn toxic and strain our inner resources to manage them.

It does take two to tango and relationships always have two, or often more, sides to them, but you can only be responsible for your side of the equation. That is not to say that you are at “fault” when a relationship breaks down or is very stressful; however you have more power than you know. It is within you to change the character of the relationship by changing yourself.  Please don’t misinterpret what I am saying to mean that you should be a doormat and just give in to appease the others or put up with bad behavior with a smile on your face and pretend it doesn’t matter. It does matter. However, you have the resources to change the relationship using the concept of resonance.

Resonance is like the ripples in a pool of water. If you drop a stone in one end and someone else drops a stone in the other, the ripples eventually meet and become something different.  Where they meet is your relationship. When you change the size or shape of the rock or the angle at which you drop it in, the ripple changes so that when it meets the ripple from the other end, the meeting creates a different wave. Your job, your child, your finances may not have changed, but if you do, your rock changes and what you send out to meet those other things creates a different response. When the response is different, it allows the other rock space to initiate changes too. When you send out a different vibe, you get a different response. If you can stop dropping in rocks of fear and anger or frustration, then the other side will have the wiggle room to try a different stone. Your change affects them and causes changes in response. Be the change. The responses may be slow and almost imperceptible at the beginning, but others will respond differently and you will start to receive back a wave more in tune with your own.

So let’s explore Resonance a little more. This is just a basic sketch of the core principles of resonance but it will give a step onto a new path the leads to healthy relationships.

What you send out is what you get back.

People that we end up living and working with are people that we have drawn into our circle by our subconscious vibrations. It is very much like the animal response of when a wolf smells fear in the prey, they attack. If they don’t smell fear in the prey they are much more wary and keep their distance.  If you generate fear from your subconscious level you are inviting predator type people to attack you. Most often that leads to verbal attacks, over burdening you at work, expecting you to do everything while they sit back and criticize, and it spirals down from there. As you deal with your own fears of value and self-worth, as you become a person who sees your own worth and knows how to set boundaries, you will be perceived differently. It may mean that you change jobs or let go of some friends and social circles. You will draw to you and be attracted to places and people that resonate or vibrate at the level that you do. As you clean up the garbage in your own life, you will naturally gravitate to people who have a cleaner emotional environment as well. You will also allow those around you to make similar changes and let go of their need to be controlling or nasty. Be the person that brings out the best in others by being the best in yourself.

Dont take personally what others do.

I know from very personal experience that when one of my children is going through a tough time and acting out, I used to take it personally. I would blame myself for not being a good enough parent, for not providing what they needed, for whatever excuse appeared. That is a recipe for disastrous relationships and it doesn’t help my child. I can only live my life and provide unconditional love and compassion along with good training in thinking skills, social manners, and personal growth. Beyond that he is responsible for himself. As long as I let him put the blame on me and not take his own responsibility for his actions, I am preventing us both from growing. It works in the home, the sports team, the office, and anywhere else. Don’t let others suck you into the feeling that you are to blame for their behavior or short falls. If someone is having a bad day and reacting poorly, don’t try to rescue them. Give them compassion, refrain from judgment, and recognize that their bad day doesn’t have to wreck yours. Don’t get sucked into their vortex of pain and dysfunction just because they are physically present around you.  Keep your resonance up at a level that serves you.

Find your center point and keep the grounding wire plugged in.

Have you ever been in an old house or somewhere in a less developed part of the world where houses and electric plugs aren’t grounded? You probably discovered that it is pretty easy to get a shock off of nearly anything and you have to be very careful plugging and unplugging things. The grounding wire dissipates the static electricity down into the ground so that it doesn’t build up and shock someone. The same applies to your emotions. There is friction and electric fields that build up in personal relationships. When one or both of you are grounded and balanced that friction drains off and is dissipated so that it doesn’t create shocks and sparks between you. We do actually have an electric circuit with the earth’s electric circuit and literally need to be grounded, especially in our world of electronic soup that we live it. But just as important, we have an emotional and spiritual circuit with creation and the creator. It also needs to be grounded. When we maintain a centered, plugged in relationship between ourselves and the source of all light and power, we are able to ground out and dissipate the static in the relationships around us. Things just don’t flare and spark the same way. Your resonance will be smooth and gentle with shielded wires and good grounding.

Relationships don’t have to be stressful even when others around you are stressed and reactive. As you create the person you want to be by releasing your own fears and self-sabotaging behaviors, facing the underlying panic buttons, and pushing the reset button on your own life, you will surround yourself with people and situations that nurture and regenerate you.

Watch from my forthcoming book, Pushing the reset button: a guide to creating a life you love, to be released in Oct.  In the meantime, to learn more about turning off the panic button, establishing resonance, and generally removing stress from your life please check out my blog at Easthouse Natural Health Centre.

To thank Gudrun from hosting me today please download my gift to you, 3 Common Problems all Professionals Face that keep them Struggling with Exhaustion, Feeling Sick all the time & Constantly Popping Pills or Vitamins (and what to do about them).

About Linda Easthouse

Linda has been a trainer, educator, and health advocate all her life. With 10 years of experience as a Natural Health Therapist, she helps people regain wellness. As a certified Practitioner of Health Kinesiology, and Matrix Energetics, using hands-on therapies that restore the body, mind, and spirit, she assists people to take control of their health, establish healthy patterns, and gain control over their stresses. Linda founded East House Natural Health and sees clients in both Calgary and Abbotsford and teaches in western Canada. She has a Master’s degree and many years of apprenticeship in the healing arts under a variety of teachers. Linda loves to share the Road to Health with people of all ages.

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Gudrun is a therapist, author, and life-long explorer of the mysteries of the human mind. She is retiring from mental health and trauma work and has published now her first book Delicious Love Forever.  She is passionate about applying the Principles of Mind, Thought, and Consciousness, as formulated by the late Sydney Banks, not only to her books but also to everyday living situations.
 

The Positive Mind: Virtual Book Tour

photo (1)We all know that those of us who have a positive attitude to life, other people, and our work, will be significantly happier and more content than those who see problems, obstacles, and unpleasantness wherever they look. Now, there are many ways to achieve that. How to achieve a positive mind based on the Three Principles of Mind, Thought, and Consciousness is the topic of a new blog-post I have written for my colleague PaTrisha-Anne Todd from Coaching Leads to Success.

The piece is actually an excerpt from my new book Delicious Love Forever: Recipes for Lasting Loving Relationships.  This book is  filled with common sense, wisdom, and simple concepts based on the premises that we all create our own, personal reality through the 3

principles of Mind, Thought, and Consciousness. Following these, readers are encouraged to (re)-discover how get in touch with their innate ability to create a positive state of mind and lasting, loving relationships. This is enhanced with some delicious recipes, and tackles at the same time the root cause for relationship problems. Solutions are offered people can easily try out for themselves. Indeed, a holistic ‘meal’ that feeds mind, body, and soul! Continue reading “The Positive Mind: Virtual Book Tour”

Delicious Love Forever: Recipes for Lasting Loving Relationships

photo (3)The need to love and be loved seems to be in our DNA. Yet many people struggle to have lasting loving relationships. They find they don’t get along as well as they had at the beginning of the relationship; character traits undetected earlier raised their ugly head. People go into attacking mode to defend themselves. Others close down or run for the hills.

The book I have written is now available on Amazon for $4.99 and you can order the kindle version here. The paperback will take another 10 to 14 days to be available. It will be quite a bit dearer due to the printing costs and postage. But I digress! Continue reading “Delicious Love Forever: Recipes for Lasting Loving Relationships”

5 Mistakes That Kill The Love In Relationships (# 2) I am right and you are wrong

wrong rightNumber two of the mistakes that kill the love in relationships is the conviction that MY view of things is right and YOUR views of things is wrong. I don’t think there has ever been a couple that presented for relationship counselling, coaching, or therapy that was not caught in that erroneous assumption.

To be fair, it is not only an affliction couples suffer from, but human kind in general follows that strict line of thinking. Hence the fights, wars, and conflicts we observe throughout history and present day circumstances. How much suffering happened because people thought they were right and hence their actions were justified: from human sacrifice, to slavery, to witch hunt, to wars, oppression, human rights …. the list is endless.  Continue reading “5 Mistakes That Kill The Love In Relationships (# 2) I am right and you are wrong”

The Tale of 2 Brains

It is surprising how many couples struggle with their relationship – yet they fail to get professional imput that could help them to improve their happiness and satisfaction a good working partnership could hold. Their family car gets more often a tune-up than their relationship – even though people often have even less understanding of what makes a good relationship than what it takes to have a smooth running car.

In the following video clip, marriage expert Mark Gungor presents a humorous exploration of the difference between how women and men think and behave.

http://www.youtube.com/v/GuMZ73mT5zM&hl=en&fs=1&rel=0&color1=0xcc2550&color2=0xe87a9f&border=1

Are You From Mars or From Venus

You have read the book, haven’t you? Or at least you have heard about it, or seen it on one of the TV afternoon talk shows? You will have learned that men and women are different. Problems in relationships occur because these gender differences.  In particular, women talk too much about their feelings and men talk too little about them. This main gender difference is the key to marital discord if you follow the Mars-vs-Venus principle.

Continue reading “Are You From Mars or From Venus”